If I Died

If I died today,
Would you act like you even cared?
If I died today,
Would it be too much for you to bare?

If I died tomorrow,
Would you even shed a single tear?
If I died tomorrow,
Would you wish me to be somewhere near?

If I died today,
Would you pretend to care about me more?
If I died today,
Wouldn’t things look more trivial than they did before?

If I died tomorrow,
Would you still not have a single care?
If I died tomorrow,
Would you miss me being there?

If I died today,
There’s one thing that I should keep honest.
That if I died tomorrow,
You won’t be in control anymore I promise!

These Days….

These days my heart’s still broken.
A reflection of heartache lingers in my eyes.
Holding on can feel so damn pointless.
When you feel like life is robbing you blind.

These days I can’t help but wonder,
Are you satisfied and are you really happy?
Don’t you miss the way things were before?
Dare I ask if you miss me.

These days I’m still learning lessons.
On who to trust and who to believe.
How can you say I’ve turned my back on you,
When you were the one who decided to leave?

These days I fight back tears of longing
As my family becomes a distant memory
These days I can’t help but to think about
All the times I passed up the opportunity….
To spend time with my whole family.

EVERYBODY TALKS, BUT NOT LIKE YOU DO!!!!

I would be completely naïve to believe that people don’t talk about me. I would be even more naïve to believe that people always talk positively of me. If there’s one thing that I’ve learned so far in my 23 (almost 24) years of life, it’s this: it doesn’t matter if you’re doing good or bad in life, somebody is always going to have your name in their mouth. There is no way to escape it.  I honestly believe that to some extent, it is in our human nature to talk about others. What some people fail to realize is that, every time you decide to talk about someone, you have the ability to control the direction of that conversation. It seems that a secretive, two-faced, war has been waged. Unfortunately, that war is being fought between family members, friends, and anyone else who cares to open up their mouth against another person. Let’s be honest, the majority of these conversations are nothing but negative in nature and downright repulsive.

At the end of the day, the conversations that you have with other people ultimately reflect your true character, revealing a lot more about you than you realize. Recently, I have been no stranger to being talked about. People that I once had close relationships with, have said a lot of negative things about me. Eventually it got to the point that those same people resorted to lying, in an attempt to hurt me in every which way they could.

For the time being it would appear as though these people have won. I am hurting in many more ways than they could ever understand! I am grieving the loss of relationships with some of my remaining family members for unjustifiable reasons. I am not a perfect individual. In one way or another, I will always be a work in progress. I am fine with that, because as long as I am working on bettering myself, nobody can accuse me of giving up on life! I just don’t understand why other people haven’t done more for their own wellbeing.

From my point of view, the only thing that I can make of any of this is that I must be doing something right. Let’s be real, I am consciously making the decision to consistently stand up for what I know is right. That takes a lot of work, motivation, and commitment. If I wanted to take the “easy route,” I could just sit back and blame everyone else for all of my issues that I encounter in life. Because honestly, if you aren’t being made to take responsibility for any of the self-centered messes you’ve created, why do anything else in the name of maturity? 

And one last thing, I do talk about you. I talk about how I miss a genuine relationship with you. I talk about how I wish you could get it together not only your own well-being but for that beautiful little daughter that you have. I talk about how empty and lonely my life is been without having your around to shoot the shit with and do pointless things with like when we would sit and watch vines with each other on YouTube, all while devouring a bag of Oreos between the two of us. Yes, I talk about you all the time. But not in the way that you think I do. 
 

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