Thou Dry’st The Mourner’s Tear

 

O Thou dry’st the mourner’s tear!How dark this world would be,
If, when deceived and wounded here,
We could not fly to Thee.
The friends, who in our sunshine live,
When winter comes are flown:
And he, who has but tears to give
Must weep those tears alone.
But Thou wilt heal that broken heart,
Which, like the plants that throw
Their fragrance from the wounded part,
Breathes sweetness out of woe.

When Joy no longer soothes or cheers,
And e’en the hope that threw
A moment sparkle o’er our tears,
Is dimm’d and vanish’d too!
Oh! Who would dare life stormy doom,
Did not thy wing of love
Come, brightly wafting through the gloom
Our peace branch from above?
Then sorrow touch’d by Thee, grows bright
With more than rapture’s ray:
As darkness shows us world of light
We never saw by day!

Author Unknown 

COMFORT 

COMFORT 

Oh, deem not they are blest alone
Whose lives a peaceful tenor keep;
The power who pities man, has shown
A blessing for the eyes that weep.

The light of smile shelf fill again
The lids that overflow with tears;
And weary hours of woe and pain
Are promises of happier years.

There is a day of sunny rest
For every dark and troubled night;
And grief may bide an evening guest,
But joy shall come with early light.

And thou, who, o’er thy friend’s low bier,
Dost shed the bitch her drops like rain,
Hope that a brighter, happier sphere
Will give him to thy arms again.

For God hath marked each sorrowing day
And numbered every secret tear,
And Heaven’s long age of bliss shall pay
For all His children suffer here.

 

WRITTEN BY:   William Cullen Bryant

I AM STILL GRIEVING!!!!

I AM STILL GRIEVING!!!!

It’s been about six months since the last time I took time to sit down and actually throw something together for either of my blogs. So I am apologizing ahead of time for any grammatical errors/mistakes that you may encounter upon reading this. 

These last six months that have gone by has seemed more an eternity for me. Every minute that goes by feels like it goes on for hours. Every hour that creeps by, feels like days. Every morning I struggle to stay up/awake, and every evening I struggle to fall asleep/stay asleep. Some days I feel almost completely numb to the life that goes on around me. 

Most days, I completely avoid anything that involves leaving my house. The couple times a week that I do leave my house, usually involves high levels of anxiety. My anxiety becomes intensified by simple things that don’t bother most people (matter fact, most people don’t even think twice about some of these things), here are just a few examples: driving, traffic, most social interaction, noise, light (it might be ‘too bright’ or ‘too dark’ outside), i’m positive that I’m forgetting several more relevant examples, but I hope you are catching my drift.

Like I have said in previous blogs, the last few years have been pretty tough on me. Growing up, relations with extended family (cousins, aunts, uncles, etc) wasn’t really a regular thing. We didn’t get together with our extended relatives like most families do. We didn’t do holidays or anything like that with anyone but our immediate family, for the most part. 

My parents divorce was finalized while I was still in high school. I’m pretty sure I was a Freshman when everything was officially said and done. After I graduated high school in 2010, I started spending more time at my moms place. This eventually led to me spending much more time around those ‘extended’ family members from my moms biological side of the family: (3 aunts and their spouses, aka, my uncles, as well as my cousins). It didn’t take long before we were all getting together for family ‘get-togethers’ during the holidays, and/or whenever someone came up with a reason to make a bunch of food and eat together. (The more I think about this, the more I’m realizing where I inherited my love of food). 

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. In this situation, everything abruptly stopped, for the most part. We didn’t even really have the luxury of a warning. Nothing could have prepared me for what was in store me and my family within that time frame of just a couple of VERY short years. Here is a breakdown of the events that unfolded:         

– May 2014: My uncle Chuck passed away after months/years of battling cancer. He was married to my aunt Kris (my moms sister). 

– December 2015: (7months later), my Grandpa Myers (my moms adopted father, aka my GRANDPA), passed away. A month or so before this happened, he ended up going to the ER with some prostate issues. He mentioned that he also had been dealing with a migraine/headache for several days and, that for the life of him, he wasn’t able to get rid of it at home. The next thing we know, he’s being transported to OSU because they discovered a bleed on his brain. He ended up being put on a ventilator when he was admitted to OSU. Fast forward about a month or so, and he is transported to a facility closer to home (at this point he is pretty much a vegetable). About a week later, the facility that he was staying at decided to send him to the ER. Apparently he had some sort of sudden onset of a fever that they couldn’t remedy. So they notified us at about 8:30AM that he was being transported to the hospital. By 9AM, he was gone. 

– May 2015: (5 months later) my Aunt Diane (my moms sister) suddenly passed away. In the previous week or two to this, she had to undergo back surgery. When she passed away, she was going through her ‘recovering period,’ from the ‘luxury’ of her home. This probably goes without saying, but after some surgeries, it is very typical to spend a period of time recovering at home. This usually comes with orders from the doctor to be on bedrest, more or less. One thing led to another though, and she was found deceased at her home. The final conclusion on what caused her death was the fact that she had developed a blood clot after her surgery. The blood clot ultimately traveled to her lung(s) (aka: pulmonary embolism). 

– October 2015: (5 months later): my mom passed away. My mom had many health issues. Several years prior to this, my mom had constantly been in and out the hospital. In 2012, she had a triple bypass (heart) surgery. Which was risky in and of it’s self, because she was a diabetic with poor functioning kidneys. It wasn’t too long after having her heart surgery that she had to be put on dialysis, which she had to do 2 to 3 times a week. To make a long story short, after my grandpa passed (and then my aunt shortly after him), we were lucky to get her to go in there to do her dialysis once a week. My mom had made me her health care power of attorney years previous years ago. After my aunt had passed away , she adamantly rediscussed with me what her wishes were if she ended up in the hospital again. A week or so before she passed away, she was admitted to the hospital again because she wasn’t doing her dialysis like she needed to be doing. Ultimately I had to make the decision to have the doctors discontinue her dialysis treatment. My mom was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Ever since my mom passed away, nothing has been the same. I haven’t been the same. At this point, I’m not sure that I’ll ever be the person I used to be. So if you’re reading this and you happen to be someone who is a close friend or family member to me, I want you to know something that is VERY IMPORTANT :    I AM STILL GRIEVING!!!! I don’t know how long I will be in this ‘funk.’ I can’t always promise that I will be able to promptly answer every phone call or even every text. I can’t speculate or make promises on when I might be able to socialize outside of my house. In all honesty, at this point, I can’t even confidently confirm that I will be able to do something as ‘simple’ as taking a shower today. 

There is one thing that I AM CERTAIN of though: I WILL always be your family/friend! I WILL always try to do my best to be there for you when you need me to be. Just try to understand that I have to put myself back together before I can give anyone else 100%. Thank you for doing your best to be patient with me! It is very much appreciated!

5 Quotes About Grief

1. “Grief is a most peculiar thing; we’re so helpless in the face of it. It’s like a window that will simply open of it’s own accord. The room was cold, and we can do nothing but shiver. But, it opens a little less each time, and a little less; and one day we wonder what has become of it.” – Arthur Golden

2. You don’t think you live past it and you don’t really. The person you were is gone. But the half of you that still alive wakes up one day and takes over again. – Barbara Kingsolver 

3. “For what is it to die, but to stand in the sun and melt into the wind? And when the earth has claimed our limbs, then we shall truly dance.” – Kahlil Gibran

4. “I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have-life itself.” – Walter Anderson

5. “The finest level of my being, you’re still with me. We still look at each other, at that level be on site. We talk and laugh with each other, in a place beyond words. We still touch each other, or the level beyond touch. We share time together in a place, where time stands still. We are still together, on a level called Love. But I like fried alone for you, in a place called reality.” – Richard Lepinsky

5 Quotes About Grief

5 Quotes About Grief

1. “Grief is a most peculiar thing; we’re so helpless in the face of it. It’s like a window that will simply open of it’s own accord. The room was cold, and we can do nothing but shiver. But, it opens a little less each time, and a little less; and one day we wonder what has become of it.”    – Arthur Golden

2. You don’t think you live past it and you don’t really. The person you were is gone. But the half of you that still alive wakes up one day and takes over again.    – Barbara Kingsolver 

3.  “For what is it to die, but to stand in the sun and melt into the wind? And when the earth has claimed our limbs, then we shall truly dance.”    – Kahlil Gibran

4. “I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have-life itself.”    – Walter Anderson

5. “The finest level of my being, you’re still with me. We still look at each other, at that level be on site. We talk and laugh with each other, in a place beyond words. We still touch each other, or the level beyond touch. We share time together in a place, where time stands still. We are still together, on a level called Love. But I like fried alone for you, in a place called reality.”    – Richard Lepinsky

My Top 10 “Go-To” Websites For Freebies

My Top 10 “Go-To” Websites For Freebies

Over the last year or so, I have been regularly involved in signing myself up for free samples. The majority of these samples come in the mail for free. The remainder of these samples have come to me by printing off “special” coupons for these free sample items that are sent via email. Regardless of how I receive these free samples (aka “freebies), I never pay for anything. I’ve never even paid for shipping on any of these items. 

The point of this blog is my attempt to share some information with anyone interested in “signing up” for these freebies. There are several websites that I personally keep tabs on to stay up to date on the free samples that are available out there. These websites prevent me from having to visit individual manufacturer websites to look for these samples. So I hope everyone can benefit from the list of websites I am going to provide for you below. Here’s a list of 10 of my “go-to” freebie websites:

  1. www.profreebies-fan.com
  2. www.hunt4freebies.com
  3. www.icravefreebies.com
  4. www.freebies.about.com
  5. www.freebiesfrenzy.com
  6. www.juliesfreebies.com
  7. www.ilovefreethings.com
  8. www.guide2free.com
  9. www.freebies2you.com
  10. www.freebieshark.com

 

These Days….

These days my heart’s still broken.
A reflection of heartache lingers in my eyes.
Holding on can feel so damn pointless.
When you feel like life is robbing you blind.

These days I can’t help but wonder,
Are you satisfied and are you really happy?
Don’t you miss the way things were before?
Dare I ask if you miss me.

These days I’m still learning lessons.
On who to trust and who to believe.
How can you say I’ve turned my back on you,
When you were the one who decided to leave?

These days I fight back tears of longing
As my family becomes a distant memory
These days I can’t help but to think about
All the times I passed up the opportunity….
To spend time with my whole family.